i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
