I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
