just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
