Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
