Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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