In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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