I met the friendliest cop last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
