Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
