she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
