I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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