I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
