wanna go halves on a baby?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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