They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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