drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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