Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
