I need help removing her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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