You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
