note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
