your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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