At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
