This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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