cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
