i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
