I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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