it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
