yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize