I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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