Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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