I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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