please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
