no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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