i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
