she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
