i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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