ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
