So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
