Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
