dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
