She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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