when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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