i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
