Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
