Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
