why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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