Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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