i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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