alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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