I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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