why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize