So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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