I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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