if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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