god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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