Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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