I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
