I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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