considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
