Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
