I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
