but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
