Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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