I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
